Conservatidiot of the Day: Sarah Palin

When Sarah Palin was selected as John McCain's running mate last year, the reason for her selection was quite clear from the very beginning. Palin had twenty-one months worth of political experience under her belt as governor of Alaska-- one of the least-relevant states in the union, a state only known for the relatively small amount of oil it produces annually, a state better known for its infinite corruption scandals, and a state with a population less than that of the Bronx. Prior to becoming Alaska's first female governor, Palin was mayor of Wasilla, a small town with a population just over 1,000. Compared to Palin, McCain had more political experience in his eyebrows than Palin had in her entire body. And yet, she was selected to be the Vice Presidential nominee, having only participated in one statewide campaign in her entire life in the reliably-Republican Alaska. It was clear from the beginning that Palin was selected by McCain solely because of her anatomy: Yes, Palin was a woman-- a young, attractive piece of eye candy which trumped far more qualified women such as Sens. Kay Baily Hutchison and Olympia Snowe-- and as such, she was a "fresh new face" the Republicans desperately needed to counter the freshness of that black guy with the a-rab sounding name who overshadowed the decrepit, mishapen figure of the 72-year-old political dinosaur at the top of the GOP ticket.

I could go on and on about how much of a failure Sarah Palin is, as a person who slaughters animals for pleasure, as a mother who can't teach safe sex to her children, as a governor who actively engages in corrupt behavior while fighting it, as a self-proclaimed national figure who knows very little about issues affecting the nation outside of Alaska, as an intellectual who went to a handful of colleges before finally getting a basic degree, and as an upstanding citizen who refuses to decry violent attacks against abortion doctors as terrorism. But for the purpose of today's entry, I'm going to avoid going into a Tolstoy-length rant over the thousands of reasons why Sarah Palin is an raging moron, and focus on one tiny aspect of her personality: Her own hypocrisy, particularly regarding remarks she has made about Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor, as well as an interesting comment she made about media scrutiny against her.

Recently, Palin was interviewed by radio host John Ziegler, who asked Palin if she would have picked Sonia Sotomayor to sit on the Supreme Court. Palin, baffled as always, said that she didn't know, and then followed up those remarks with the following:

“I think gender, race, should not be any kind of test you have to pass... I’m sure that there are many, many qualified candidates that should have been considered.”

Really, Sarah Palin? You, of all people, have the audacity to claim that Sotomayor was selected because of her race/ gender? Pardon me while I take the next few minutes to bang my head against the edge of my desk.

Sotomayor, for those of you who don't pay attention (like Mrs. Palin), has presided over the 2nd Circuit Court of Appeals for over a decade. She is one of the most respected legal experts in the United States, and had been touted as a possible Supreme Court pick for John Kerry had he been elected President. Her experience is tantamount; her race and gender just happen to be a part of who Sotomayor is.

Meanwhile, take a good look at that quote above. Now, pretend that I'm a liberal politician, say, Joe Biden. I'm Joe Biden, and I was just asked a question about John McCain picking Sarah Palin to be my running mate. Here's my response:

“I think gender, race, should not be any kind of test you have to pass... I’m sure that there are many, many qualified candidates that should have been considered.”

Do you see what's so interesting about that statement? It applies MORE to Sarah Palin than it does Sonia Sotomayor. If John McCain wanted to select a female Republican as his nominee, there were many, many qualified candidates that should have been considered: Hutchison, Snowe, Sens. Elizabeth Dole, Susan Collins and Lisa Murkowski, Govs. Linda Lingle and Jodi Rell, Reps. Heather Wilson, Mary Fallin, and Mary Bono-Mack-- just to name a few.

People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, especially giant fucking boulders which crumple the support beams and bring the entire house down in one good toss. In the history of United States Presidential elections, the Vice Presidential selection has rarely cost a candidate the Presidency... that is, until 2008, when Sarah Palin's selection turned off people with half a brain who were appalled by the folksy "I'm just an imbecile who wears fake glasses to look smart while speaking in a midwestern twang to sound like good-ol' simple folk" song and dance routine she paraded around on the campaign trail. The Republicans had a perfect opportunity to slam Obama into election day over his lack of experience, and yet they managed to put someone with FAR LESS experience on their ticket, someone who couldn't make up her extremely short resume with outstanding charisma and charm. Sarah Palin was a raging moron who couldn't impress some of the dumbest idiots in the country with her two-item list of political credentials and ability to offend anyone with ears. And yet, because she has breasts and a vagina-- the latter of which she made damn sure we knew was used every time she paraded her baby, knocked-up teenage-daughter, and Iraq-soldier son in front of the media-- Palin was just a voting booth lever away from being second in command of this country.

But when it comes to Sarah Palin's "I just like to tell 'em what I think" tours she does every now and again, there is always a follow-up logical catastrophe waiting to happen. Zeigler asked Palin if there are times in her career when she questions her decision to be politically active. Naturally, she gave us another wise answer:

“To be brutally honest, yeah, there are some days where I have to ask myself if some of this is worth it... [I] will not sit down and shut up.”

I have an idea: DO SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP. If you don't like the criticism you get, then don't parade yourself around in front of the cameras spouting ill-conceived bullshit and folk sayings of the week! YOU make yourself a target the moment you open your mouth without thinking, which is what happens every time you speak, because you never say anything rational which leaves everyone to suspect that you are incapable of thinking before talking.

By the way, Sarah, you have a state you should think about governing. I know it's hard, being a political rock star and all, but you should at least have a little pride and go back to Alaska where you can be the governor the people there elected you to be. You've been governor for less than three years now, and what have you done aside from concocting cock-and-bull stories about selling planes on eBay?

Please, Sarah, for the love of all that is holy-- Stay in Alaska. It won't hurt us whiny liberals if you don't come down here and compare us to communists. It won't hurt you if you stay up there where the big, bad, evil media won't attack you. It's a win-win situation which would make everyone happy.